Ocean of Wisdom

It will please you to know that I have recently resigned my commission at the 4 seasons Lana'i due to an overwhelming amount of tyranny.

That being said, I have a belly full of antibiotics addressing my latest bout with what local medical gurus are telling me is in all likelihood the clap (further tests are pending), and am standing by for the 340 flight over to Maui.

I've stopped taking these STDs personally because of the "all business" society I'm locked up like a Hindu prank monkey in. And just in time. The freaks are descending like a plague upon Kahului eagerly anticipating laying eyes twinkling with visions of enlightenment upon the bespectacled visage of the Dalai Lama himself.

For years, Maui has been a hotbed for those international goons on the blind trail to total consciousness and the meaning of life. So it's no wonder, with that much vibe clogging up the spiritual airwaves not to mention the vog steaming in from Volcano, that he'd be making a stop to personally straighten them all out once and for all, Buddhist monk style.

I imagine quite a few heads will roll for this one. All of them, especially upcountry, have been abusing the system for years and the time for compassion may be swiftly coming to an end.

The room mate, a devout Lama groupie and 6 months sinfully pregnant tried to get me to fly over yesterday and walk on as a volunteer, but I'm not dumb enough to stumble into that kind of bees nest. The volunteers will have it worse than any; the first to bear the brunt of his wrath.

I don't know much about this guy, but with the kind of stroke he wields in the physical and metaphysical world, I imagine over the course of 14 lifetimes, he would have had to survive some serious knockdown bar fights with ornery sherpas or otherwise kicked ass in the name of religious tolerance. No one comes by that kind of street cred without getting their knuckles bloody.

I do know that he bears resemblance so striking to the late author Hunter Thompson, that one would be a fool not to trace the genes back to the source before making any wild claims against either. But I'm sure I'm not too far out on the olive branch to speculate that Thomson himself wrestled a few yaks into submission in his day.

Were circumstances different, I might be inclined to challenge His Holiness one on one to either a banana eating match or a battle of wits, no holds barred, but due to the heavy medication and current trade embargos, I think I'll take this one in from the sidelines with cranberry juice and an open mind.

Which is best I'm sure. This will be a three-ring circus of the highest degree. Some will be blessed for the being there alone, while others will scoop up the red dirt he walks on, either keeping it for posterity, selling it to the uninformed masses or devouring it outright on the spot for reasons even the craziest of us will not grasp. Power of any kind is a weird thing, especially out here at the edge of the world and doubtless you are all thankful that the vigilant are always standing by in sickness and in health keeping one paw at all times on the circuit breaker.